“There are things known and there are things unknown, and in the space between are the doors of perception”  Aldous Huxley

Red Thread 2oil on canvas, 77x102 cm (30x40)

Red Thread 2
oil on canvas, 77×102 cm (30×40)

Between the dark and the light there is grey. Between the ocean and the mountains there are the fields and valleys. Between dreams and illusions is reality and between love and hate truth endures. In my musings, I have found that truth does not set you free; what it does do is create awareness and shines a light on a path, giving you a choice to follow or not.  I choose to follow.

A new year, a six-year, a year of extended possibilities.  Perhaps it is because of the shift in conscience that occurred on December 21, 2012 that a rush of clarity floods my mind. I have no words to define what is happening as images and scenarios’ play out in my head, and I see myself as I have never seen before. I see so much – I do not know what to do with the information!  I am not exactly pleased with what I have found. They say your life speeds before your eyes before you die.  I do not think I am dying but this is as good an explanation as any as to what is happening except in slow motion.  Word by word, action by action, stripped of illusion, stripped of perceived reality, the nakedness of it all takes my breath away as I silently watch like a bystander in my own life.

My little seasonal job is over with the season! They said they would give me a good recommendation.  Made me smile, what shall they say? “She did an excellent job of wrapping gifts and of packing boxes for shipment.” Cannot get any lower on the totem pole, and it has become apparent that retail has no real need for someone like me, so I guess its time to try a different direction, to climb back up a bit! Time to re-file all those job applications again, and hope it being a 6-year people will look pass my age and see what an asset I would be!  Hahahah! Hard to do in a country that thrives and survives on youth. Sigh. I do not give up easily!

Canvas and paint were under the tree…above it is the second painting as images flood my mind. If I can hold onto it, I will do a series of “swan song” paintings. A few have told me over the years, that my life and my paintings have been an eternal exploration into the question of “who am I?” I have tried to deny it, calling it other things that reflect the appropriate “artspeak”; but the truth is quite evident now, and no matter how I may venture off into other subject matters, I always return to the core.  It is what I do, it is who I am.  So, I will paint what I have discovered.

It is a kind of truth that lies in the spaces of my soul.


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