“Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves, but deal in our privacy with the last honesty and truth.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Pearls before Swine, oil, 77×102 cm (30×40)

“You just never learned to play the game”, he said, “and it’s too late now.”

It never occurred to me before how much we learn as children and how what we learn shapes our lives.  Most of us probably do not put much account into what or how we learned until one day you stand there looking dumbfounded at a most common thing and realized “no one ever taught me how to do that!” Then you begin to think, what else did I not learn?  Why was I not taught?  Or at least I begin to think and question, again.

There is always one kid in kindergarten that is singled out for taunting…that was me. There is always one kid in elementary school that others routinely made fun of…..that was me.  There was always one kid in high school that teachers used to ridicule publically as a lesson to others…that was me; there was always one kid in college that everyone said would never make it….that was me as well. Matter of fact the nays outweighed the yea’s every inch of the way.  It was always, your nails are too short, your hair is a mess, you never did wear good clothes, you have no talent, you’ll never make it anywhere, why can’t you paint normal things, you’ll never do this, why can’t you do this or you’ll never do that, and my favorite you are just too different!  But then the fact is I spent most of my childhood being grounded for one thing or another, real or imagined; consequently I never interacted much with others children except to stand up and defend myself against words, the occasional tomato or derisive laughter. By the time I got to college I was a pretty strong person, quite but strange and was clueless to the games people played.

“You just don’t play well with others”. He continued.   “Not true!” I defended. “I play perfectly well with others, its others who do not like to play with me!”  He laughed. “Hopeless”, he said.

I did try to learn…but never grasped the concept. Could not and still cannot understand the necessity of white lies, innuendo, manipulation, tests, speaking between the lines and all that other stuff people do every day.  What is so difficult about just telling the truth (diplomatically of course), of being straightforward and honest, loyal, dutiful and responsible without ulterior motives.

That’s the biggest problem; people look for my motives, and opps!  There are none! They get worried and fearful and assign those missing motives to me without my permission! Matters not if what they assign to me is good or bad, right or wrong, just so in their minds, they can justify my actions or words. Never understanding that all there ever was is what you see, exactly what was said, what I wrote, nothing behind the yellow curtain or door number 3!

I put up an old painting this time it’s called “Pearls before Swine”. People found this one disturbing, but it still is one of favorites and hangs in the guest bathroom.  Whenever I get depressed I tend to paint bones in one form or another, real bones like skeletons, or my true favorite fish bones. Have not painted bones in a while, so I must be dealing with life fairly well as of late.

Speaking of life….the rains have come!!!! Ahhhhh……They drench the ground and the once brown grass magically turns green, the trees stand taller, the flowers spread their leaves and hold their heads high and I have more zucchini growing in my garden than I know what to do with! Hahaha!  Fortunately I have hungry neighbors. This morning there was actually fog! A cold front came though bringing more rain to the warm ground.  Charlie has his dog mud boots on again! There is so much humidity my hair is fluffy…..me and the cats. Extremes, dying of thirst one week, soaking the next, the heat now begins again.  Was so wonderful while it lasted.

No, I was not considered for the cake-decorating job, but there are a couple more applications out there, so there is still hope.

And in two days there will be the opening of my show…..my swan song, or the beginning of something different suited just for me.

For some reason, I am feeling very good, a wonderful state of mind!

 

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Comments
  1. I think you may be right!!!! :} hugs.

    Like

  2. donna says:

    You are feeling well mt dear heart, because you are taking your own advice! xoxo

    Like

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